I Am NOT Friends With The Monster That’s Under My Bed.

Hello, there, lovelies. 

It’s been >10 days since my last entry. I’ve been feeling some shame. My last entry was about me navigating my way through my (overwhelming) emotions. It was about refusing to let them influence my behavior. I published that post and on the very same night; I did, in fact, let my emotions dictate my actions. 

So, immediately, my imposter syndrome rushed into my head and built itself a fort and became super comfortable. (I feel like I sometimes actively wait for my mistakes, in some sort sabotaging my own “healing journey”). 

I’ve been wanting to blog… but a voice (one of many) in my head kept poking me: “you’re a hypocrite. You are the imposter!”. So, naturally, I let it win. Just for 12 days, though. I’m back now. 

I finally sat down with this “syndrome” and discussed the issue at hand. We (all myselves) made this blog to help push us and in some way record our development. We didn’t do this to “feel good” about ourselves and paint a perfect picture for whomever is reading. So it’s alright. If we don’t fully adhere to what we say here, that’s okay. We make mistakes and go back to fix them. We also come clean, to ourselves and everyone keeping track. 

There’s this great Instagram/Twitter account: @the.holistic.psyhchologist. I’m guessing at least half of you readers are familiar with her. She’s amazing. She posted this a few days after my previous post: “Feelings are fleeting. They’re not facts. They’re not always right. Let them come and go. Don’t let them make decisions for you”. 

I read it then and didn’t really think much of it. Little did I know it stuck with me. It crept its way into my fingers tonight as I contemplated how I could begin a new piece.

And that’s when I also remembered, Self-Compassion, bro. Self-frickin’-Compassion. Embracing imperfections requires practicing that and prioritizing self-care (I truly have come to despise these two words; self-care. I detest how the media uses it as a justification for toxic behavior, but that’s a topic for another entry). Anyway, I was reminded to be kind and forgiving towards myself the same way I am towards others. To acknowledge that I really, really am trying my best. 

Failure is an inevitable part of the human experience. Rather than throwing the towel and dwelling on them, we’ll reframe them as opportunities. The valuable lessons and insights that contribute to our personal development coming out of mistakes are free courses into identifying our triggers. 

I know exactly why I let my emotions win that night. I might not have been aware at the time, but now, I am fully conscious of the triggers that altered my vision. (A win is a win *in that tiktok sound*)

So, I am here to remind myself and you once more that distinguishing feelings from facts is an ongoing journey that requires self awareness, critical thinking and SELF-COMPASSION. Between the two realms, we can navigate the complexities of the self with greater clarity and make informed decisions that honor both our emotions and the objective reality. 

**This entry is a way for me to release the monster I’ve mentioned above. Let’s hope it works!

Have a great night/day wherever you are. 

XOXO, 

FFB