Bridget Jones’s Empty Calendar

Hello hello!
How are you, my sweet ghostly friends? (Blink once if you’re thriving, twice if you’re mildly feral.)

Did you miss me? Because I missed you.  A lot actually.

But I’m happy to say, this time, my excuse for being away isn’t one of the “ohh I was too busy!” or “I didn’t have time!” BS. Nope. This time, it’s because I was doing something wild.
I was taking some time to… drum rolls, please!

REST.
Yes. REST. 

Imagine that!

For the past year, especially the last 5 or 6 months, I didn’t get a single real moment to breathe. Not one. And believe me, I wish I was exaggerating. I really do. But no. I was sprinting like there was no tomorrow. (Run, Barry, Run!) (Yes, Barry, not Forrest.) Literally overbooking myself to the point where even I, FFB, would do more than one thing a day. More than two things a day. 

I remember there was this one day, a suuuper long day, where I left my house at 6am, and I remember my mom called me while I was on my way home. She said, “Okay great, now you go home and get some sleep…” I went quiet. She paused. And then, all concerned, she said, “Right…? You don’t have anything else… right?”

I looked at her poor innocent face on my screen, smiled, and said, “I think I’m going to go to the office.” And that’s exactly what I did. Not because I had anything urgent to do. Just because I had FOMO. FOMO about whatever might be happening at the office without me. I just kept SWIMMING!

From that day on, my mom started raising little concerns here and there. Sweet ones, of course. But me being me, I brushed them off.  Because when we’re running that fast, slowing down feels scarier than sprinting.

It wasn’t until one random (not so random) afternoon in December, I was sitting with my friend, between so, oh so many meetings, dead tired but mind still running, that it hit me.

It was during the last day of the Red Sea Film Festival. (If you know me, you KNOW how chaotic those months were for me.) and I was about to board a plane for another project, literally the same day.

That afternoon, I sat there, smiled at my friend, and out of nowhere, BIG tears started rolling down my face. The kind you don’t even realize are happening until your friend looks at you all concerned.

I remember laughing through the tears and saying,
“I’m so happy with everything that’s happening… but I really, really just want to breathe.”

That was the moment everything shifted. That was the moment I decided (with the help of my friend): that enough was enough.

I had already filled my January and February to the brim. There wasn’t much I could do about that. But what I could do was start saying no. No to anything extra. No to any more than I can take.

I made it my goal to empty out my April. To the best of my abilities, of course, because I still had commitments. But the goal was that I wanted to be free by the end of Ramadan and Eid.  No new projects. No new fires to put out.

And honestly? It became a little addicting.
(lol, I know, I KNOW.) but the relief of saying “sorry, I’m booked” felt better than any big opportunity at that moment. 

I started guarding my April like a little dragon guarding its hoard.  And for the most part; I did it.
Of course, I still had two projects I was committed to. But that was it. Just two.

And last night, I officially finished my deadlines. Today, for the first time in what feels like forever, I have NOTHING to do. NO DEADLINE TO CHASE.

In April, I still had days where the ghost of upcoming deadlines haunted me a little. The guilt monster peeked around corners. But today? Today I can finally say: my next deadline isn’t until the end of May.

Actual breathing room, people. Not theoretical breathing room. Real breathing room.

And listen… I want to be clear: those chaotic months? I loved them. Truly. They were some of the best, most rewarding months of my life. And they really were crucial for my career, mom!

I worked hard on my visibility. Me, the introverted little blob, became visible. And it felt good. It still feels good. 

But I’m also really loving the distance right now. Loving that for once, everything else can take a backseat to my mental health. Just for a little while.

It feels like the healthiest kind of rebellion, right? I think it’s a good balance, don’t you? To take one month a year to just breathe. To step out of the race without guilt. Without FOMO. To slow down, fill up, and then (when we’re ready) jump back into the wild joy of running.

And that, my friends, is what they call Self-Care * insert sparkly emoji here*

But hey, thanks for sticking around, lovelies… and thank you, friends who demanded I come back.
It feels good to be here again. Breathing, living, lingering in the quiet with you.

Confession: another reason I wasn’t writing here was because I felt like I lost my momentum, my voice, so I will TRY and come back more often. To remind myself of it. 

I’ll see you soon!

XOXO

FFB

PS. Don’t get too comfy. More chaos (and maybe some updates?) coming your way soon. My next months, come end of May, are completely blocked out. And I’m truly looking forward to them!