Lady Blahdown

Dearest Gentle Readers, (in true Lady Whistledown fashion)

I have been gone a month—a fact for which I had no valid excuse. (head down). I tried, I did. I opened my laptop, jotted down a few thoughts here and there, but never felt quite satisfied enough to publish.

Admittedly, I encountered a sort of writer’s block, that cute little monster we creatives know all too well. So, I resorted to my one and only remedy: a visit to the bookstore.

Naturally, I bought more books than I needed (as one does), and my bank account nearly screamed in terror. But nevertheless, I walked away ecstatic. There’s something about immersing myself in other peoples’ words, their language, the unique melody they compose through writing that reignites my inspiration like nothing else.

My chosen muses this time? Plato, Edgar Allan Poe, and Jane Austen. As I delved into the works of these writers, I found myself deeply inspired by their distinctive styles. (I’ll adopt some. I’m warning you.) Their ability to dance with words and weave intricate stories reminded me of the sheer power and beauty of language— reigniting my unwavering love for playing the tunes of these words.

So, I’m back!

This writer’s block turned out to be more of a blessing than a curse, though. I’ve always loved writing (more than anything else in my life, in fact) and it has been my most loyal companion. But stepping back, in a way, allowed me to explore myself a bit more. As freeing as it is to pour my thoughts onto paper, it is also a lonely act. Now, don’t get me wrong, I cherish my alone time, but I’ve come to realize that maybe, just maybe, I’ve had a bit too much of it lately.

So, here are my updates:

I’ve always been known as an introverted, (sometimes even standoffish) and a very selective “young (?) lady” when it comes to friendships. I’ve often told myself that I’m content, that I’m happy with the few people I love and trust, and that I don’t need any more friends.

But in the past few months, I lost two of my best friends over some silly, utterly human reasons. (One of them is back— hey, my favoreet. but the other, the older, closer, the family, is not. Lol. I’m fiiine.) But that’s okay. Life has a funny way of revealing aspects of people we’ve chosen to overlook.

Not having them both at once was a deeply hurtful, yet illuminating experience. It opened my eyes to so many new possibilities. Suddenly, I had two open slots in my life, and my reason for not being open to new friendships no longer made any sense. So, I decided a change is on the doors. (Does that work in English? على الأبواب?)

I began texting, calling, and hanging out (yes, I discovered that much of my time was spent texting or on FaceTime with these two “besties,” and I was left with quite a void without them) with acquaintances. These were people I knew, deep down, wanted to be closer to me if only I’d given them the chance. I made sure that these were people I genuinely liked too, but hadn’t had the time or energy to invest in before.

And let me tell you, I’ve been BUSY. It’s such an enjoyable process to choose who gets to be a bigger part of my life. I made it a point to enter this experience as my truest, most authentic self. If you accept me fully, HELLA cool. If you don’t, just cool. I’m still in the filtering process, and while that may sound a bit harsh, I don’t believe it should. (My now-again-bestie says I’m “rebounding,” but I don’t think I am, am I?)

Other than my openness to best-friend applications, I have also been on a journey of rediscovering myself, as I mentioned in my last post. So, as much as I have been going out and surrounding myself with friends, I also gave myself an opportunity for alone time. I decided to stay at a hotel for a week, away from my family. Not that I didn’t want to stay with them, but it was beginning to feel a bit too crowded for me. I did make sure that my hotel was literally two minutes away from our home, so I could spend some of my time with them too. (Why am I justifying this right now?)

Anyway, that experience was again, eye-opening on many levels. The fact that I had the courage to tell my mother that I would be in the same city but staying away from them was something I don’t think I would have been able to do even a month ago. The fact that she so gracefully accepted it made me realize that even my mother is beginning to understand/accept who I am as a person. It’s a reassurance I so desperately need on this journey.

So, what did I do with my alone time, you ask? I went through my old Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram accounts. I revisited super old WhatsApp chats. I went back years in my camera roll. In short, I went back to my old self— to be reminded of the parts I had abandoned, to see how new parts had formed, to pick and choose, to throw and drop.

This should probably be a whole other post, but amazing is an understatement for this journey down memory lane. (Who’s Elane? Hah!)

And with that, dear readers, I leave you with a mind buzzing with inspiration; and a life that’s a little fuller than it was before.

See you next update!

xoxo

FFB