Hello hello!
I’m back with my second post this week!
This space has been my go-to for venting and dissecting my thoughts. Maybe it’s a writer thing – those negative emotions just seem to fuel the creative fire. But today, it dawned on me: what if, in ten years, I look back on a blog filled only with negativity? I know, deep down, that I’ve had moments of pure, unfiltered joy. Maybe I’ve been sleepwalking through those moments, taking them for granted?
Today’s post is proof for future me (Hi there, gorgeous ;)) – a celebration of pure contentment! The past few weeks have been a revelation. It’s like a weight has lifted, replaced by this incredible sense of peace and fulfillment.
This shift made me remember a conversation with a friend from last year. We were talking about how 2022 felt like a year of constant “almosts.” There were so many good things happening, but a few nagging issues kept casting a shadow. Then, 2023 seemed to be the year of curveballs. Sure, there were bright spots, (super bright, too) but there were also challenges that tested my resilience to its maximum capacity.
Now, here we are in 2024, and it feels different. It feels like everything is finally aligning. Alhamdulillah. There will always be bumps, there are bumps, but hey, that’s life. And right now, the overall view is splendid! (my friend and I decided we are going to use the word “splendid” more, why? because it’s a splendid word!)
I’m incredibly grateful for the people in my life – my friends who are always down for a stupid laugh (and sometimes, a good good cry), my family who are my constant pain in the oop- but also my most important cheerleaders, and even for myself! for taking the steps to get here.
Speaking of laughter, I recently had the most awkward phone call with a producer. We were wrapping up a conversation, and he ended with a warm “Lovely!” My sleep-deprived brain somehow short-circuited, and out popped a “Love you too, bye!” before I quickly hung up. I laughed so hard that evening, “Love you too”? to a total stranger? I have been struggling with saying those words to some of my closest friends, and now I’m just throwing it around? if this is not progress, I don’t know what is!
Maybe this quote captures how I’m feeling: “I suppose I love this life, in spite of my clenched fist.” And lately, I’m learning to appreciate the people who help me relax that grip, who allow me to be me, fully and unapologetically.
But here’s “a” thing: I wonder if it’s my mindset that changes from year to year, an attitude that I choose to adopt? It’s something that’s always at the back of my mind. I don’t know when I learned this, but it definitely feels like it was instilled in me early on. My beautiful mother would always say, “You control your destiny,” and with that, I became a bit of a control freak. I learned to control my thoughts to the point of obsession. I became a menacing professor (Terence Fletcher from Whiplash comes to mind). Only in this case, I was both the crazy teacher and struggling student.
However, the past couple of years have been about letting go. I’ve been trying to accept the full range of emotions – grief, guilt, anger… you name it. I’ve been giving myself permission to wallow, to really feel things. But maybe I swung too far in the other direction? Or maybe the events themselves were just simply genuinely negative, and my reactions were completely valid?
The truth is, I’m still figuring it out. I’m in the unlearning/relearning stages of my life. And, again, this blog has been a great help in processing everything.
So, yes, whether it’s my attitude or the situations around me, I’m proud to say that I am currently happy. And that’s something worth celebrating!
Love you all. Don’t forget to spread joy and gratitude everywhere you go. Here’s to cherishing the good times, big and small.
XOXO,
FFB
Full-Fat Blah 
Leave a comment