Obsession, it eats me whole!

Hello, hello! 

What do you lovely readers obsess over? Do you ever? I have realized that obsessions give my daily life a meaning of some sort. (red flag, yes).

But if I don’t have something to fixate on for hours on end every single day, the world collapses around me, depression eats away at my flesh and I deceive myself into believing that I will never be happy again. It is my means of survival right now, regardless of whether or not this “behavior” is deemed healthy.

So, let’s discuss some of these obsessions!

First, Graphic Design… it has recently returned to being within my focus. Though I’ve always loved it, three years ago, I made the decision to “career shift” and redirect towards the Film Industry, which I also LOVE dearly. But being a freelancer is more of a curse than it is a blessing. I haven’t had nearly enough projects to throw myself at recently, and all this free time is just… dangerous. 

I find free time to be very intimidating. I feel like a failure whenever there is nothing to do since I (not proudly) gauge my “successful days” by the amount of productivity they include. If I don’t accomplish AT LEAST one modest task everyday, I feel like a disappointed parent to myself. (another red flag).

So, yes, back to graphic design we go. I spent days and nights trying to remind myself of the tricks and secrets of the Adobe world. I fell in love with it all over. I’d create a new logo/brand everyday. This way I get a sense of accomplishment, enjoyment and I get to listen to my favorite music while working! (I never get to listen to music when I’m writing, which only leaves time for it when I’m in the car, which I’m mostly not). 

Aaand… I got a studio to sign with me! So, now that the goal is attained in the Graphic Design world, the emptiness returns. The obsession wears off. And I’m back to having free time (I still have to fine-tune my contract with the studio, which gives me at least another week to begin actually taking on projects). 

I wanted to write, I still do, but I think the belief in myself as a writer has been jeopardized by the lack of projects. I have doubts that are trying to creep their way into me and me not writing, is a way for me to keep them at a distance until one phone call about a project ascends and I’m all sure and confident again. (I know. I know.) Good thing I have a meeting tomorrow! So I’m not too worried about that. 

Anyway, my current obsession is… drum roll please… READING. I’ve finished 3 books in the last 3 days! 🙂 (accomplishment, whew). One of them was such a fast-paced, easy-to-read novel (I won’t say which one, though). The second was a 53 page story by Dostoevsky called “White Nights”, with his amazing narrator’s point of view as usual. I admire the way Fyodor expresses his characters’ inner thoughts and will always do so. I feel as though I find a part of myself in all of his characters. The third book, “Letters from a Stoic”, is a collection of letters Seneca wrote to friends and acquaintances expressing how HE believes they should live their lives. However, Donald Robertson’s introduction, in which he provides us with Seneca’s personal background, was the most fascinating part of the book. I will dedicate a whole post about it, it’s SUPER interesting, I promise.

You know what, lovely readers, I will give you the name of the first book. (Look at me!) Just to show how flexible I am with my reading… (this is especially for you, one friend, for calling me out on my genres of interest). It was “It Ends with Us” by Colleen Hoover. I’m a little late to the party… but my pretentious self always thought I was too mAtUrE for it. Which, admittedly, I might be. But still, it was a nice read (with many notes, however. I hated Lilly’s letters that I found myself skimming through them for significant details only). Nevertheless, it was an entertaining read and now that they’re making it into a movie, I thought I should give it a shot. And I don’t regret it, everything about Lilly and Ryle had me swooning and kicking my feet the whole time until… Well, I won’t spoil it for those interested to give it a chance. 

But yes, that is it. That is my current obsession. So please, help a sister out, recommendations are very welcomed. As long as they are in the spectrum of Romance, Philosophy, Psychology… just kidding, I’ll read anything! Because I am NOT uptight with my reading. (I do however prefer a hint of romance in all my reads). Ok. 

That is it, lovely readers! This is my update, you? 

What are your obsessions? Tell me! 

FFB